Worry is Useless

I never realized how having a kid would cause me to worry so much. I have always been a pretty rational and even keeled person, so this new me is a little frightening. I'm not exaggerating when I say that I worry about something everyday. Whether it's her having a stuffy nose, making a funny sound, or even sleeping for long stretches. I would say it's just the hormones, but I'm pretty sure I will worry all my life. I have even caught myself thinking I hope she never gets a broken bone, or I hope she makes good decisions when she is 17. Then I'm like....Caimbrin. She is 4 weeks old. Worry about 17 in about 17 years.


My latest worry has been her hearing. She didn't pass the test at birth. They told us "don't worry, a lot of little babies don't pass" This week we took her for a retest and she still didn't pass. They can't tell you much, just pass or refer. They said it could be due to congestion, which she does have (poor thing)

I go back and forth between thinking "oh no, somethings wrong" and "she can hear" I realized the other day that even if the worst case scenario does happen, she will be perfectly fine. She would know no different, and God would have really wanted her to be deaf. His ways are higher than mine.
 It is for selfish reasons that I am so scared. If she can't hear, then I will never get to hear my baby say momma or dada. Would all the people we love be willing to learn sign language? It will be fine whatever the answer is. She will be loved the same.

We are waiting another week before she goes back to retest. Keep us in your prayers. Let God's will be done. For all I know, I could be worrying for no reason. A lot of kids have had to be retested and had perfect hearing.

This verse helped me out today.
Ecclesiastes 6:10- Everything has already been decided. It was known long ago what each person would be. So there is no use arguing with God about your destiny.

Poop

That's right, poop. I never thought I would care so much about it. I mean, don't get me wrong, we all love a good poop. But this is different. I seriously think about it for a good 2 hours a day. Cora's that is. Poor little thing grunts and whimpers when she has to go. Being a first time mom, I had to ask the pediatrician if that was normal. "they're figuring it out" "it's completely normal". So why am I still thinking about poop?! There are all sorts of tricks people tell you, but the grunting continues....

Enough of that crap. (couldn't resist)

Miss Cora is doing great. Putting on the chub and doing what babies do....here are some of the pictures from this week.

Gaining Weight

 First Trip to Daddy's Work

 First Trip to Church

 Big Eyes

Weeks 1 & 2

Wow. I never could have imagined everything I would feel and do during the 1st couple of weeks of being a mom. I am proud to say that my baby and I have survived these first days home! I wondered if that was going to be the case a few times. At times I knew I was about to die of exhaustion and frustration, and at times I was sure my baby was going to die because she made a weird cough or her cry sounded different. (you can see I have a lot to learn)

Feelings I have had these last 12 days:

• Overwhelming Joy- I have never been happier
• Pride- I have the coolest, prettiest, sweetest baby around!
• Fear- Shes choking, it looks like it hurts to poop, is she gaining weight 
• Confusion-Am I doing this right, is she OK, will she be a decent person 
• Happiness- just looking at her face and that little gas smile brings me to tears (joyful ones)
• Love- For my little girl, for my husband
• Panic- No, seriously why is she crying...we changed her, fed her, held her....is she just ticked? Does she have some unknown ailment?
• Exhaustion- Day 12 with an average of 3-4 hours of sleep a day. If you know me, you know how serious I am about sleeping. Plus, how many times does a baby need to eat and be changed?!?! A LOT. 

Things I have done these last few days:

• Cry- Oh boy, I have cried so much. Over bring happy, sad, sleepy, and scared. Just when I think I am back to normal it hits me again. That TV show played a song about loving your kids and now I am going to be weepy all day!
• Laugh- She is so funny with her faces and her bodily functions. Sometimes she looks like Mr. Magoo when she is eating. 
• Change Diapers- yuck.
• Feed baby- The most amazing thing. The most frustrating thing. Depends on her mood. Sometimes its peaceful and I get to admire how sweet my baby is, sometimes it's a fight because she is ticked it's not happening fast enough. There are flailing arms and creepy grunts that seem to say "give me what I want now lady!"
• Sit- not much else to do around your house 
• Shower- Have become my new best friend. Peace. Quiet. Fresh Smells. 
• Watch TV- I need to get a good book series. Maybe it's time to finally read The Lord of the Rings. I have always wanted to. Now I have countless hours to do so.
• Cry- Like I said...
• Smile- Sweet baby

Things Cora has done the last few days:

• Eat.
• Sleep.
• Poop.
• Stare at me (ahhh)
• Eat.
• Sleep.
• Poop.

I can't believe how much I love this little girl. I also love to see Brian so obsessed with her too. It's true what they say about how you will love your husband so much more after having a baby. I love to watch him kiss her and tell her how much he loves her.

Birth Story- Pictures

So here it is...I already wrote the story, now here are the photo's that go with it. I am so lucky to have Heidi as a sis-in-law! These pictures are a great way to remember the best day of our lives!

Cora's Birth Story

I can't believe she is finally here! It all happened so fast that I think I am just now believing that she is really here.

It started on my birthday, March 3rd. I woke up with every intention of eating Publix cake. That was the only thing on my agenda.( you know how I feel about cake/cupcakes) Well, that did not happen. All day long I was feeling off.  I was super tired and very nauseous. I thought that I may actually share my birthday with my girl. After a long day of feeling crummy, I went to bed around 11.

At midnight (on the dot people!) I had my first REAL contraction. I was a little thrown off because I thought what are the chances that a baby would be born on her due date, and what are the chances that my first pain would happen at midnight exactly?!? I started to time my contractions and found them to be about 3-5 minutes apart. Around 1:00 I woke Brian up and told him it was time to go. We grabbed our stuff and headed to the hospital!

As soon as we pulled up to the hospital and I saw the sign, I threw up. I still don't know if it was the pain or the fear of what was coming. We checked in to Labor and Delivery and I got hooked up to the monitors to see if I was actually in labor. Guess what...I was. I was asking for my epidural at this point because my pain was ridiculous. Poor Brian.  I kept saying press my lower back! No! let go! waaaa 


Finally, around 4:30 I got my epidural and everything was much better! I could still feel the contractions, but it was more of a pressure than a pain. My mom and Heidi went home to get some sleep until I was further along and Brian zonked out on the chair in the room.  I couldn't sleep if you paid me, so I stayed up and listened to some worship music, then watched TV.

Around 7:00 am the nurses changed shifts. My new nurse said she would check me to see if I had progressed. I was a little shocked when she said OK, I am going to call your doctor, you're about to have this baby. AHHH!! I was like...What! Brian called my mom and Heidi and by the time they got there it was time to push. By then my contractions had slowed down to about 7 minutes apart. I pushed for about an hour and a half. Heidi said she thinks the doctors must have thought that was the funniest birth ever because of the conversations we were having. (It wouldn't be us if it went any other way...once again, thank God for epidurals)

I was shocked when all of a sudden she was here! They put her on my belly and I just lost it. I was so happy and amazed and shocked all at the same time. Brian cut the cord and that was that. We were now parents!!!??! It is so surreal to go from a couple to a family in a matter of seconds. You would think 9 months of pregnancy would prepare you for this change, but for me it didn't. There is nothing anyone could have told me that could prepare me for this.

A few hours later we were moved into our room and we just got to love on our little girl. You could see that Cora is going to be a daddy's girl from the second they met. I can't believe how I love Brian so much more just by having her in my life. (side note) My husband deserves an award for being the most caring and helpful person during this time. He has been amazing! Anything I needed or wanted he has done. It doesn't hurt that he has some medical experience so all of the things that have been freaking me out, he has been able to assure me that its normal. He helped me walk, bathe, eat, change diapers, clean the house, and so much more.

Here are a few pictures of our birth story. More will come soon.

I will save all the other new experiences for a different post.

P.S.- My experience with Waterman was amazing! All of my nurses were so helpful and sweet! I couldn't have picked better people to help us during this time.

Welcome to the world Cora girl.

 My all time favorite picture...daddy and Cora